Confessions of an Introvert
I googled “root words of introvert” and this is what I got:
Introvert comes from Latin intro-, “inward,” and vertere, “turning.” It describes a person who tends to turn inward mentally. Introverts sometimes avoid large groups of people, feeling more energized by time alone. The opposite of an introvert is an extrovert, who finds energy in interactions with others.
I was labeled as shy during a large portion of my childhood. Quiet. Well behaved. Well mannered.
At some point the world convinced me that shy was the same thing as introverted.
And at some point after that, the world convinced me that being introverted was boring.
Looking back, I can see the shape shifting I did to become more “outward.”
But in forcing myself to live “outward” – it slowly masked the fact that I was neglecting my need to recharge inwardly and made me forget about the things that actually set my soul on fire, the things that connected me to myself. Because those things simply live within.An introvert living as an extrovert was exhausting.
Because what the world doesn’t tell us is – being an introvert isn’t the same thing as being shy at all. It’s quite the opposite. It actually takes courage and a little bit of rebellion in todays society to be content and connect with yourself inwardly, to find joy and rest in your own mind and own presence.
Being an introvert simply means I have to make time to reflect, process, decompress, and recharge inwardly in order to be a truly productive member of society. I can try to work around these processes, but when avoided for too long – I will have a breakdown. Think of it like routine maintenance for anything else.
There’s so much going on inside of my brain. Inside of my heart. Inside of my spirit. It’s not even that I dislike people or socializing. But I am very choosy with them these days. Socializing is something that I need rest from some days. When I am quiet and alone, I can let the creativity, ideas, and whatever else needs processing flow naturally through my choices and movements. When I am around other people continuously, this process is blocked. I fought it for most of my adult life and in reflection, it only caused me a lot of dysfunction.
It’s also important to note that “alone” doesn’t always have to mean completely alone. The goal of an introvert is to find a few special people that they feel safe enough to be theirselves around. People that they can be “alone and quiet” around without judgement, question, or challenge. Ideally, these people are a spouse, family member, or best friend.
And – too much of anything is too much. I have to interact with others for my business. I want to be a good friend, good mom, good wife, and a good representation of my God, and these things require me to walk outside of my comfort zones at times. I’m not saying that I want to permanently live in a state of isolation. However, I am saying that often I thrive and am the best version of myself, for myself and for others, when I allow myself time in my busy schedule to be a bit reclusive and live within the vast world that exists within.
For me, I think of my body like my house. During much of any given day, I am interacting with others and operating “outwardly” outside of my body or “my house.” Therefore, at the end of the day – I am overjoyed when I can return myself back “inward” inside my own body to live and exist within my own mind and own world. And the biggest self-work that I am most proud of that I’ve done over the last year or so is making my mind and my actual home a place that I am very comfortable being myself. And that has very visibly translated to a much more peaceful environment for my mental health and the health of my relationships at home.
Love,
Katie