Mental Health

An Open Letter to Boys, from a Man (about Women)

I don’t know if it’s for everyone, but I had to do it.

What I’ve learned about women- An informative read for boys (of all ages) from a man


2nd WARNING: Long post alert

By Dustin Haberer

An Open Letter to Boys, from a Man (about Women)

Soooo my fiancé does a lot of meditative and spiritual writing as well as operates her own travel blog.  It’s what’s she does, it’s who she is.  And I love this trait in her.  She’s inspiring to women all over, and now she’s inspired me to do some writing of my own.

Like the title says- A lot of what this is, is indeed about women and the role we need to play in their lives, but at its core, it’s really about the development of transitioning from a boy to a man.  And I don’t mean when you turn 18. I mean, actually, really evoking manliness.

From an early age, we’re programmed by our peers, media, and raging hormones that our social success greatly depends on how many women we add to our total.   Our credibility with our friends revolves around who smashed who and “how many this” and “what I did to her” etc.  Somehow we think being the alpha and King of your crew with the ladies equals fulfillment.  Thus, we go on maturing in lots of areas, however, this one doesn’t progress as fast.  Even as we begin to “settle down,” we tend to bring a lot of old patterns with us and shape them to meet our needs.  In essence,  we continue to treat women like they are less than.  Our intimate relationships with them become centered around control, manipulation, infidelity, and sometimes even physicality.  Literally the four pillars of toxicity.  

Unfortunately, it takes two.  Either your counterpart shares one or more of these traits with you or she is enabling you to exercise these actions of greed and power.  Either way it’s toxic and will always end in pain and misery.  

Does this sound like you?  Don’t walk away yet.  I see you.  I was you.  Not only was I you, I was better than you.  And I have the stats to back it up.  Big women. Small women. Rich.  Poor.  Models.  Junkies. Black. White.  It didn’t matter.  For real, I’m in the record books.  I loved the chase.  I lived to conquer.  I loved that adrenaline rush.  I couldn’t even shake it after I got married to my ex wife.  I was always pleasure seeking and looking for ways to feed my sexual ego.  I knew it was wrong but I began finding ways to justify my clearly disgusting actions.  And I bet you are too.  

We begin thinking to ourselves; 

“As long as I put food on the table, Im a great father and I’m good in bed, I’m a man”

But you’re not, you’re a punk bitch that’s copping out and missing out on the real purpose that women have been placed in our lives by God.  Let me save you some life experience and drop some real wisdom on you.

Meeting her needs is so much more than what I mentioned above.  The cold hard truth is that any classy woman with will and drive can get her own money.  Don’t get me wrong, she’ll spend the shit out of yours if you let her.  But if she’s not codependent, she doesn’t need your $14/hour.  

Being a great dad means being a great role model.  You will always fall short here but the least you can do is keep your dick in your pants and treat his Mama with respect.  

As far as sex goes, I hate to break it you-but anything you can do to them, they can do it for themselves, much more efficiently might I add.  They allow you in because they like to feel the weight of your body and scent of your skin.  They want to enjoy the intimacy that only two people can achieve.  It’s not because you “do that thing,” that no one else can do.  Trust me, most of y’all acting like Helen Keller down there.  I know this, because I’ve heard the stories and seen the difference when a women is loved the way she deserves.  But here’s the real kicker fellas- this is only the beginning of a woman’s needs.  

When you learn this, I think this is when you start really transitioning to manhood.  I may be wrong but fuck it. 

Maybe I can pass on some wisdom and save y’all some time.  Here’s the black and white facts;

Women are not equal to men.  They surpassed us in their value to society like 100 years ago.  Deal with it.  You need to treat them as such.

Understand that this is not always easy.  Women have a lot of needs that extend pass the basic essentials that is men require.  We base life on survival.  Food, shelter, heat, water, sex.  If we have them, we’re good.  We roll with the punches.  We forget things quickly.  We don’t tend to sweat the small shit and life is pretty simple.  

You need to understand that women’s brains do not work like this.  You need to constantly empower your woman.  Remind her how special she is.  Encourage her in everything she does, even if you think it’s insignificant.  Most importantly you have to fucking mean it.  They’re smarter than us generally, and she knows when your full of shit or flat out not even trying.  

She needs to feel your sincerity.  Which leads me to eye contact.  A personal struggle of mine.  They love to be heard and paid attention too.  This may be a sacrifice for your own interests at times but one that will be well worth it, I promise.  

Understand that their brains don’t work like ours.  The phrase in my home is “too many tabs,” that means that her thoughts are everywhere, she’s stressed, and she’s feeling overwhelming anxiety.  Also know that this equates to pain, migraines, insomnia.  They literally carry anxiety in their body.  All things that you will suffer from indirectly in the long run.  

So take the time to give your woman a shower.  I didn’t say take a shower, I said give her a shower.  Get in there with her, wash her hair, massage her body, sit on the floor and caress her legs.  I promise you’ll be glad you did for more than just the reasons you’re thinking.  This has a much more long lasting peaceful effect on them then you could even comprehend.  Hence meeting more needs.  

Now some small cliche stuff that gets overlooked but needs to be addressed.  Fellas, open the fucking car door.  Are you kidding me with this shit.  I bet she pumps your gas too.  Stop it already.  

Also,  when another attractive woman becomes present-do yourself a favor and don’t even look that bitch.  I say bitch loosely, don’t take offense.  What you need to do is turn and lock eyes with yours the whole time.  Almost dramatically.  It shows you don’t give a shit and more importantly makes her look good in front of the “competition.”  They love feeling like the prettiest one in the room and they will eat that shit up.  

Make one on one time a priority.  Put the phone down.  Ask her about her.  And listen.  All of this may seem obvious but there’s too many guys not doing it.  Social media is watching y’all recycle each other’s women in toxic relationship exchanges and I’m glad those days are behind me.   I don’t really know how to end this so I’ll just do it with some advice for cheaters from a pro.

Cheating is simple in your brain.  Don’t get caught.  I’m good.  Don’t get her pregnant.  I’m good.  Don’t get an STD I’m good.  But that’s false positive.  I urge you to have awareness of the psychological damage you will do to yourself.  You will begin sabotaging good relationships out of paranoia.  You’ll think that because you’re capable of cheating-that they are too.  Your conscience will eat you alive.  If it doesn’t, you really are a piece of shit.  Not to mention you womanized all of those ladies for your own self satisfaction.  It’s time for us to “man” up and start being what God intended for us to be for our women.

-Still learning

Thank you for reading An Open Letter to Boys, from a Man (about Women). Read Katie’s perspective about embracing her true role as a woman here.

  • By Dustin Haberer

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